Meet Dodgy Norman
By day, Dodgy Norman lives up the road from you. He occasionally tinkers on his clapped out Vauxhaull Corsa with sports exhaust. He’ll sort your car out for a bit of cash in hand. The car will break down 2 weeks later, so you’ll be back for more. Eventually Dodgy Norman bankrupts you and steals your childen. He sells the children to buy a new subwoofer.
But by night he takes on his distinguished role of First Great Western Train Maintenance Man. Dodgy Norman rides again.
We don’t know much else about Norman, just that he maintains the trains that continually break down. Not enough cash in hand, punters. Pay up. Norman has you by the knackers (or fe-knackers, for ladyviewers).
What does he look like? We can’t be sure. So using state of the art 21st Century technology and a fiver for the guy at Crimewatch, we’ve recreated Dodgy Norman for you so you may identify him and avoid being fleeced. Distinguishing features include:
- The face of telebastard Jeremy Kyle
- The pencil moustache of Errol Flynn
- The smile and jaw of 1980s pop starlet Michael Bolton
- The bionic eye of James Corden
Three Cheers For Dodgy Norman : turning train travel into a bloody disaster
Norman battles missing staff for the title of Worst FGW WTF Factor. Services disrupted by broken down or faulty trains.
Rail: The 2235 #FGW serv from #Bristol TM – #Paddington is 80 mins late due to a broken down train at #Yatton
— West Country Travel (@wctrav) March 11, 2013
Rail: The 2150 #FGW serv from #Bristol TM – #London Paddington is 1hour and 9mins late departing Bristol due to a broken down train – James
— West Country Travel (@wctrav) March 11, 2013
Broken toilets, no running water, broken carriage doors jammed open: typical #fgw service
— Julian Sims (@juliansims) March 23, 2013
#fgw @fgw kicked off the18.45 from Paddington due to operating failure. Second attempt to leave London on 7.12 now late leaving. Grrrr.
— Katherine Chapman (@KathChapman) March 22, 2013
@WhippetOut It's been delayed leaving the depot and is 47 mins late. Sorry for the delay and for the inconvenience caused David. ^Tara
— First Great Western (@FGW) March 12, 2013
http://twitter.com/HanWilletts/status/310362346541424641
@FGW 5.34am train from reading to gatwick. Abandoned at Wokingham due to train failure. No communication, controller left. £112 taxi #raging
— Lauren Kluckow (@Lauren_Kluckow) March 16, 2013
@FGW cheers. Train cancelled on the way to #Gatwick..now in a 100quid taxi and cutting it fine for our flight. #raging #pisspoorcustomer
— Hannah Thomson (@HannaThomsonNoP) March 16, 2013
http://twitter.com/Manish_m09j/status/312708685778522112
http://twitter.com/heween1o/status/311328028829556737
Wow, FGW have surpassed themselves. Stuck behind a broken down train they've had to chop in half to clear. 40 mins late. Keystone Cops.
— Stuart Fowkes (@stuartfowkes) March 12, 2013
http://twitter.com/RocheFive/status/311389610917916672
Is there no one at @FGW this morning who can deal with my complaint re gaping holes in this carriage? It's freezing pic.twitter.com/2gbA3Hrqm0
— The Archidave (@archidave) March 12, 2013
@mdransfield I am very sorry about this. Some of the rolling stock couldn't leave the depot due to points failure ^Jess
— First Great Western (@FGW) March 6, 2013
“It’s not our fault. It’s Network Rail. And Bing Crosby. And Nick Knowles. And the guy from The Buggles. Trevor Horn. It’s his fault.”
please turn some lights on first great western, im scared pic.twitter.com/w0oyyMfgA3
— Aidan Welsh (@_AidanWelsh) March 2, 2013
@FGW and ANOTHER broken down train so our train is rediculously over crowed!!! Not good enough.
— Amy Dunning (@AmyDunningJB_KP) March 1, 2013
FGW on top form today. My morning train broke down right in front of me; now my return train is canceled due to "a shortage of train crew"
— Dom Sekotill (@domsekotill) February 25, 2013
#fgw 08.14 came at 08.26: delayed due to a "door incident" at Swindon. I despair; not only a below par train service but appalling grammar.
— John Terry (@Oakelmash) February 25, 2013
I HATE FIRST GREAT WESTERN AND YOUR SHITTY BROKEN TRAINS
— Rach (@rachelw_96) February 25, 2013
Yaaay train has broken down. I love getting a bollocking at work thanks to #fgw incompetence! @fgwkmc
— Kyle Tilley (@KyleTilley) February 25, 2013
@FGW 0800 CDF-PGN cancelled. How's it possible for train to get over here, get to depot, back to platform and suddenly develop a fault? Grr!
— Crispin John (@CrispinJohn) February 22, 2013
Easy, Crispin! Dodgy Norman is on the case!
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