Funny But True

I am giving up my job to run First Great Western trains. I think bringing back steam may be the answer. Can't get any worse.

— Caroline Norbury (@CarolineNorbury) February 24, 2014

@fgw I think there was a clue in there… pic.twitter.com/EieZDcsRjo

— Rich (@recklessrik) February 18, 2014

RT @FGW: We’re pleased to inform all customers that we’re running a good service today. Just Kidding! Actually, we’re doing as badly as ever

— Paul (@Dogtrouser) March 1, 2014

If @carling made trains, they'd be @FGW. By which I mean terrible and you'd only choose it when no other option is available.

— Robert Gallen (@jabithew) February 26, 2014

@scottychops @FGW Have you seen this one? pic.twitter.com/OhNHx2knZA

— Paul (@Dogtrouser) March 21, 2014

@FGW great start to a Monday, what will next random excuse be I wonder? Maybe next one will be late due to a delay, that's my favourite.

— Tim Hodgson (@timhodgson78) March 17, 2014

@FGW #fgw pic.twitter.com/SS4W76Xf2R

— Paul (@Dogtrouser) March 21, 2014

Excuse me @FGW, can you get the driver to slow down please so I can launch myself from the train and get home more speedily on foot?

— Emma L (@3m_ma) March 9, 2014

With many apologies to John Hassell (and LNER) @FGW #fgw pic.twitter.com/CEsm4ifsZb

— Paul (@Dogtrouser) March 24, 2014

RT: @FGW Together with Network Rail, we're building a railway you can rely on. http://t.co/PDbp2sVOyx #GreaterWest pic.twitter.com/w8HJmoLkrZ

— Paul (@Dogtrouser) March 25, 2014

.@FGW why not just pick a reason from below: 1) Signals 2) Earlier delay 3) Floods 4) Too many pax 5) Alien invasion (1745 PAD to SWA)

— neonexpress (@andywg) February 28, 2014

@fgw Reading station painted in FGW colours pic.twitter.com/KAabC4DYcT

— Cunning Stunt (@cheviotbeulah) February 28, 2014

first great western are the dick fosbury of failure. they are true masters of the flop @fgwkmc

— uoʇɹou (@ericbratislava) March 18, 2014

@FGW I think the message just inadvertently broadcast over the station PA summed it up "you're having a f**king laugh! Oops". Oops indeed!

— Mike Newman (@MikeGTN) March 18, 2014

Good morning @FGW. Thought you'd appreciate this from Modern Toss on FB. pic.twitter.com/PF4M7pSid6

— JDMC (@MotoClark) March 10, 2014

@fgw @fgwkmc #fgw staff handing out croissants and bacon rolls at Reading station. Care! If we add weight we won't be able to cram on train!

— Royal Squiffy (@RoyalSquiffy) March 10, 2014

Never mind the free croissants @fgw get me a bloody train to London

— Jimothy Halpert (@BGCollector) March 10, 2014

@FGW are so terrible at this train service malarkey. I'm not even on the train today and they are still pissing me off.

— Peanut (@bennkers) April 21, 2014

Nice sea view as I top up my tan on this sub-tropical paradise known as a @fgw train #airconfail pic.twitter.com/Y9LhrwvWaD

— Cross Rail (@cr_rail) May 16, 2014

@fgwkmc just had an amusing announcement that first class passengers wouldn't get their service due a "defective trolley"!

— gary denham (@g_denham) May 13, 2014

A whole new train set for £15. Maybe @fgw should buy a couple… http://t.co/mOUFftBueZ

— Commuting Rants (@CommutingRants) February 9, 2014

If I ever get a @FGW train that isn't delayed I'll probably die from the shock.

— Moose Eastabrook (@m00sifer) May 15, 2014

@fgwkmc @the_bald_man could this be the real reason for delays? http://t.co/3i2zyL8Xdz

— Doug the Prop (@DougProp) April 16, 2014

@fgw Eat, Sleep, Late, Repeat. Eat, Sleep, Late, Repeat.

— John Burke (@jfb_smoggy) February 20, 2014

Train, more like Pain. Paddington, more like Baddington. First Great Western, more like First Great Stresstern. #SuperOffPeakBellend @FGW

— Sam Deacon (@RolltheApple) April 17, 2014

@FGW so what's your excuse for today's delay? Too many Easter egg wrappers on the line from West Drayton to Ealing?

— Eleanora Murphy (@EleanoraMurphy) April 22, 2014

The @fgw contingency plans: Air con: pray for winter Snow: wait for it to clear Rain: wait for it to dry Delays: blame network rail

— neonexpress (@andywg) February 13, 2014

@FGW That's five apologies in four days. Do I get a prize?

— Kevin James (@atomicvindaloo) May 12, 2014

@FGW This sums it all up. pic.twitter.com/5FFHgSymvV

— Vish79 (@viciano79) January 29, 2014

If everyone in the carriage lunges forward at the same time will we get there quicker @FGW?

— Rowan Singh (@rowansingh) May 2, 2014

This @FGW train is going just about fast enough to scare Victorians. Early Victorians.

— Robert Gallen (@jabithew) May 2, 2014

Thrilling stuff on FGW. Can we reach 20mph? Will we go back in time if we do? @fgwkmc pic.twitter.com/o35rCzTY1n

— Jon (@ormondroyd) April 30, 2014

If anyone doubts they can ski, they just need to stay freestanding between paddington and reading on a packed @fgw service – more difficult

— Frank Maguire (@fsmaguire) April 14, 2014

I could've conceived and given birth by the time it took me to get to Paddington this morning @fgw. Miraculous considering I'm a bloke.

— Rowan Singh (@rowansingh) May 2, 2014

Travelling in standard class on @FGW is a bit like entering a former soviet block country.

— Paul Clayton (@Claytoncast) May 13, 2014

Tried asking British Transport Police to arrest First Great Western for crimes against humanity. Strangely, they weren't keen.

— Steven Perkins (@stevenperkins) May 12, 2014

The weekend starts here…unless like me you are travelling on FGW, then it's delayed again

— Doug the Prop (@DougProp) May 2, 2014

@fgw I think it's unfair to describe your services as cattle carts. This is more like it. #fgw #greaterwest pic.twitter.com/dEhFtOaswl

— Rich (@recklessrik) May 12, 2014

@fgwkmc FGW time for a slogan change "we will get you there….eventually …standing or seating don't start bleating"

— Cheeky (@cheekychambers) May 6, 2014

@fgwkmc pic.twitter.com/LEIMfcbKrg

— Cross Rail (@cr_rail) May 16, 2014

A few weeks ago I saw the new refurbished @FGW carriages: pic.twitter.com/WBr4DU2JjF

— Andrew (@andrewdlindsay) May 14, 2014

First Great Western is the world's first placebo train service.

— Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) May 16, 2014